“Who am I?” A Patient Shares His Journey of Self Discovery and Identity

Written by Christian Lawson, Crohn’s Disease warrior of 17 years and minority patient champion

I will always remember the day I realized how much I had changed due to the steroids I was taking to gain weight. My dad came home from work and couldn’t recognize me. My hair and body had transformed, and my appetite had increased. I found myself asking, “Who am I? How did this happen overnight? Why am I not a normal kid?”  

This was no longer just a phase; it had become my new “normal.”  

While my disease causes pain and anxiety, it also fuels my hope of living without it one day. After numerous hospital visits and treatments, I learned that quality medical care not only attends to the condition but also recognizes the emotional toll of illness. 

The Roadmap for Emotional Health Project focuses on ensuring that all patients’ emotional well-being is prioritized by their providers. Resources like The Impact of Being Black While Living with a Chronic Condition and various self-assessment tools are available to promote emotional understanding and support for providers as well. 

Visiting the doctor’s office emphasized my feelings of isolation, as I rarely saw any other patients or providers that looked like me. However, I eventually realized that I am not defined by my Crohn’s disease; I am strong. I began to focus less on the labels of my condition and more on who I truly am. 

My chronic condition does not define me. I am a strong, confident Black man. When my care team truly sees me, it reinforces my sense of worth. Many individuals from varied backgrounds have not experienced this validation in medical settings, leading to distrust in the system. But there is hope! 

I am thankful for the Roadmap for Emotional Health Project providing a voice for patients and their families and improving healthcare. We’re better together!